Tales for a Rainy Day was my attempt to write a collection of non-genre short stories, for those people not interested in monsters or ghosts, back when I was still writing a hell of a lot of short stories and vignettes, and when I still imagined that I might be acclaimed as a literary writer, one day.
The only problem is, of course, that short stories don’t sell any more, at least in this country, and no publisher would be interested in this collection. Not from an unknown author, anyway. If my name started with Stephen and ended with King then publishers might be interested, but, even then, they would expect some sort of horror element.
As a sample from the collection here follows the vignette I Think That This Letter Was Sent To Me In Error…
I Think That This Letter Was Sent To Me In Error…
Thank you for writing back to me . Yes , Rena is fine , she’s back on solid food now after that embarrassing incident . I hope that you can get the stains out of your carpet . Somebody suggested tea ; but isn’t that just an old wives’ tale? Let me know how it goes .
Johnny’s condition has cleared up , the rash is entirely gone . I’m hoping that it was an allergy ; but you know what he’s like about going to see doctors . I think that he’s playing with his train set at the moment . Boys will be boys .
The wine was very nice . Where did you say that you got it from again ? The bottle went very quickly , I can tell you . I must go out and buy a bottle .
I’m glad to hear that Patrick and Martin are back at school , after that business with the jar of phosphorus and the aspidistra . At least it shows that they’ve been paying attention in science class . But who’d have thought it, at their age ? Well , I ask you .
I agree that Paul needs to lose weight , but it’s such a touchy subject , ever since we went to that Greek restaurant . Well , we certainly won’t be going there again , and Paul has gone right off moussaka since then , which is probably a good thing , in the long run . But the faces of the other couples ! It was so embarrassing . But Paul only made matters worse when he threatened the waiter . But , I must say , the waiter suddenly showed an amazingly good grasp of English swear words , considering how bad his accent had been . Paul claims that they put their accents on for show . Ethnic flavour , he calls it . They don’t , do they ?
The DVD rental people got us confused with the Hendersons from Green Street again . This is the third time that they’ve done this . I mean , our names aren’t even similar . The DVD people claim that it’s a computer glitch , whatever that is . I wouldn’t mind , but we were looking forward to watching the Sound Of Music . We had even invited the Johnsons over to watch it with us . We tried watching the one that had been sent to us in error , but Eraserhead wasn’t really our cup of tea . Mrs Johnson did not like it at all , poor thing . I do hope that they’ll come back. I did apologise. And what was all that business about somebody dancing inside the radiator , anyway ?
If it’s not one thing , it’s another . My brother , you know , Eric , not the other one (well you haven’t met Derek , so I don’t suppose that you would know him , would you) was at his Rugby Club do when he said that , before becoming a chiropractor , he had originally trained to be a paediatrician . Eric’s doctor says that it was a clean break , and that the cast can come off in a few weeks . I don’t understand how some people can be so violent , can you ?
How’s your brother getting on? Is his regiment still in the Gulf ? I do hope that he’s all right , you describe him as such a sweet man . It must be interesting being an army sniper .
Of course you can come over for Christmas . We’ll be delighted to see you . None of your family are vegetarians or anything weird , are you ? I don’t mind , it’s just that I’ll have to shop especially for you . It’s the foreigners that I pity , with the Hindus not being able to eat pork , and so on . Just imagine never being able to eat a bacon sandwich !
Talking of immigrants , Paul is thinking of standing for the UK Nationalist Party , or something like that . We had a girl come around canvassing for them , and she really was quite sweet , although she did keep going on about Muslims , for some reason . I don’t know why , as there aren’t any around here . I think that it’s some parish council by-law or something . Anyway , you know what Paul’s like when you go on about foreigners . It’s been even worse since that incident with the Greek waiter . But it seems to be a healthy hobby . It gets him out of the house , at least ; and he’s not stuck in front of the television all the time .
Oh , and Marie has come out as a lesbian at university . I don’t think that’s surprised anybody , do you? Not after that sleepover at the Watsons’ . We haven’t heard from them since . But at least I know what a godemiche is now .
Until next time
Tales for a Rainy Day is available as an e-book on the Amazon Kindle store.